A guy is walking his dogs when another guy says nice dogs what are their names. The guy replies Rolex and Omega Rolex and Omega asks the other guy?   Yes ….. they’re watch dogs

  John got off the elevator on the 50th floor and nervously knocked on his blind date’s door. She opened it and she was as beautiful and charming as everyone had said. “I’ll be ready in a few minutes,” she…

  A woman called the airline customer-service desk asking if she could take her dog on board on her flight the following day. “Sure,” they said, “as long as you provide your own kennel.”  They further explained that the kennel…

  I called my friend I had not seen for quite a while and I asked him how he was doing, what was he up to. He replied that he was working on the aqua thermal treatment of ceramic, glass,…

  A husband and wife are having twins , however the husband is out of town . So he calls the brother to please take his wife to the hospital . The wife has the babies and the nurse asked…

  Morris , an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical. A few days later, the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm. A couple of days later,…

  An elderly retired lady, was going on yet another cruise. While on deck she noticed a handsome, distinguished looking gentleman. She went to the Maitre-d and said ” see that gentleman – would you please seat him next to…

  A guy is sitting at home when he hears a knock at the door. He opens the door and sees a snail on the porch. He picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can. Three…

  Two hunters, Otis and Elmer, got a pilot to fly them into the Canadian wilderness where   they managed to bag two big Bull Moose.   As they were loading the plane to return, the pilot said the plane…

  An old Irish farmer’s dog goes missing and he’s inconsolable.   His wife says: “Why don’t you put an ad in the paper?”   The farmer does. Two weeks later the dog is still missing.   “What did you…

  I went into the confessional box after years of being away from the Church.   Inside I found a fully equipped bar with Guinness on tap.   On one wall, there’s a row of decanters with fine Irish whiskey…

  A woman walked into work and was greeted by her boss.  They made small talk, and as he headed to his office, he said, “Have a great day.”  She thanked him and took off toward the exit.  When he…

  Jim’s doctor tells him he only has one day to live. When Jim goes home, he shares the news with his wife. She asks him what he wants to do with the little time he has left. “All I…

  A woman in labour suddenly shouted “Shouldn’t! Wouldn’t! Couldn’t! Didn’t! Can’t!”   “Don’t worry”, said the doc, “those are just contractions”.

  Out in space, two aliens are talking to each other. The first alien says, “The dominant life forms on the Earth planet have developed satellite-based weapons.” The second alien asks, “Are they an emerging intelligence?” The first alien says,…